Accreditation should be no problem now that the Drs. Dwyer are no longer in the system. They both talk too much and stir up school board members. All those ethical administrators and office personnel can interrupt any class at any time for any reason--nothing of any importance is going on in classes anyway. School board members can kiss Ms. Martha's bare shoulders without harassment from fellow employees. The school board attorney can with impunity hang students who offend community standards. Principals can bribe students to do well on FCAT with new cars, motorcycles, free food. Magicians, politicians, anti-alcohol and drug speakers, and attorneys giving sexual advice will be given all-school audiences during class time—all with no Dwyers to complain. But students can no longer "buy their grades" with books donated to Dwyer and his English department. Students will not be exposed to the Dwyers' "unethical ideas" such as proving and supporting the innocence of a death row inmate or opposing slavery in the Florida tomato fields or standing up for custodians or participating in decisions about high school schedules. Students and fellow faculty members will keep the teachers in line with their snitching to those paragons of ethical behavior, the principals. Students will no longer have to read boring old texts with anti-Bush values (such as _Antigone_, _1984_ and _Paradise Lost_ and _Rasselas_) the whole way from the first page to the last with explication of every line. The radical left-wing high school clubs such as the “politically dangerous” Amnesty International and the Shakespeare Academy are eradicated and annihilated--free speech notwithstanding. Students will no longer suffer consequences for tardies, absences, sleeping during class, eating and drinking during lectures, or leaving the room for breaks. Lectures? No 87-minute "lectures" will ever be foisted upon impressionable Collier County youth--since our new high school schedule limits classes to 47 minutes. Their tender little attention spans will no longer be stretched beyond endurance. The local brain-drain to first-tier universities will cease--keeping Naples' money in Florida. The Florida Code of Ethics will be used to bludgeon teachers reluctant to be team members. Its full enforcement won't allow anything but strict adherence to Naples' high moral standards. Col. T. and Mr. F. have saved the day. Accreditation is on the way. It helps a lot to jettison the seven ND degrees held by the Dwyers. But watch out! There are some other well-educated but unethical and insubordinate teachers and board members still in the system. They must be ferreted out and destroyed. If everyone cooperates, we can get rid of them all. Engendering fear during this new year is the key. It's for the good of the team. Shhhhh. Sit still; nobody rock the boat. Support your local FCAT efforts!